Transvestia

hand, it is made a matter of great secrecy, frosted over with a bit of guilt, shame and self justifi- cation, it will assume great proportions in the child's eyes, with probable difficulties in under- standing and acceptance. That such acceptance is possible is borne out by the fact that exactly this has been done in several families and the ensuing relationships were quite satisfactory.

So it not only can happen, it has happened. But it is the kind of problem that needs to be well thought out between husband and wife first and a satisfactory plan of action set up. Most important of all, however, is the necessity that both of the parents have arrived at an honest and guilt-free appraisal and acceptance of the husband's femmeself themselves. If you have guilt you will automatically and inevitably project it onto the child. Guilt in the first party is reflected as shame and embarasse- ment in the second party and this is what develops in a child when the whole matter is not presented in a clear guilt-free manner. This is what corrodes the father-child (expecially son) relationship, not the fact of the TV. A son couldn't care less about his father's foibles and fantasies if he is able to love him as a father, enjoy him as a friend, and respect him as a counsellor. But if none of these conditions obtains or if they are weak and half hearted, then naturally any odd behaviour problem only makes the lack of communications and companion- ship the greater, because there is no common ground for the father and child to meet upon.

So don't just abandon the idea of sharing with the children out of hand. Think about it carefully and if you decide that it would lead to greater harmony for all in the family for them to know. Just prepare yourself to present it sensibly calmly an unashamedly, Be ready with simple answers to sensible questions, and above all. "Know thyself", before you undertake to tell anyone else, adult or child,

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